


words unspoken

by diminuendodaydream



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Insecure Isak, M/M, Model Even, Modeling, a bit canon divergent but just a bit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-02
Updated: 2017-10-02
Packaged: 2019-01-08 00:08:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12243267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diminuendodaydream/pseuds/diminuendodaydream
Summary: this is literally my first time ever writing a fic like ever so just keep that in mind! Side note: I started writing this on 9/30, a day before the onslaught of modeling material we got from those sweet boys. So I might be a god that invoked the power of the universe to deliver y'all those pics. ur welcome ;)Excerpt: So, Even’s a model now.He wasn’t making enough at KB to sustain his wine-and-dine dates for Isak that he’s become so fond of (Isak is not spoiled, no matter what Jonas or Mahdi or Magnus says) and the food industry has never exactly been his dream. His Captain America figurine and Vladimir Putin cut-out certainly never yelled at him for not giving them the plastic display-case bagel and claimed he was “withholding products” from them.So. Even’s a model now.~*~Basically this is in canon but picks up after the end of s4 wherein Even quits his job at KB and starts modeling for some local businesses and Isak gets insecure because he's dating a model now, so he decides to write out all his feelings about the situation and when Even finds the note, a feelings convo happens I guess???? Idk man ¯\_(ツ)_/¯





	words unspoken

So, Even’s a model now.

He wasn’t making enough at KB to sustain his wine-and-dine dates for Isak that he’s become so fond of (Isak is _not_ spoiled, no matter what Jonas or Mahdi or Magnus says) and the food industry has never exactly been his dream. His Captain America figurine and Vladimir Putin cut-out certainly never yelled at him for not giving them the plastic display-case bagel and claimed he was “withholding products” from them.

So. Even’s a model now.

Which makes perfect sense, Isak knows this. He’s always thought of his boyfriend as some ethereal, god-like being, sent to walk the earth among mere mortals to garner the love and worship he deserves. And apparently so did the talent recruiter that just so happened to be lucky enough to catch a glimpse of Even while he was on his way to one of his film studies classes at UiO. The recruiter flagged him down, asked him if he’d ever modeled before, and when she was shocked to find out that the answer was no, immediately gave Even her number and took a quick reference shot of his face, though the recruiter doesn’t think she’ll be forgetting a face like Even’s anytime soon. No one ever does.

When Even got home that day, he recounted this story to Isak with a joking tone and constant laughing, as if the idea of _him_ being a model was preposterous. But after having to pull two double shifts in a row—over a weekend that was _supposed_ to be spent doing nothing but spoiling Isak (shut up)—with an unending stream of unhappy customers yelling at him for no reason, with no significant tips to show for it, Even decided that maybe it was time for a change of pace.

 So he does small, local shoots. Nothing big and nothing that interferes with his school work or sleeping schedule or anything. Mostly it’s clothing campaigns for Oslo-based companies but sometimes it’ll be for certain campaigns that he feels strongly supportive of, like ending stigma against mental illness or encouraging animal adoption. (Side note: That particular campaign involved Even and several of the tiniest kittens Isak had ever seen in his life, and if Isak’s heart hadn’t already melted at Even merely existing, it surely would’ve been in a puddle on the floor from the pictures they got during the shoot. Even baby animals can’t help but love Even, apparently).

But adorable baby animals aren’t the only partners Even works with for his shoots. Models work with other models. Duh. Isak knows this but for some reason it didn’t fully solidify in his mind that this is a thing that happens until he went to pick up Even at one of his shoots and came face-to-face with four of the second-most-attractive individuals he’d ever seen (you can guess who the first is).

Here’s the thing. Isak knows he’s not bad-looking. He and Even have enough sex to confirm that Even certainly doesn’t find Isak unattractive. But Isak knows that whenever they get stares from strangers in public, a majority of those appreciative looks are for Even, often a small expression of awe on their faces. Isak can relate. It never really bothered him until this incident, though, when he was forced to confront the reality that Even is out of his league. Granted, Even is out of everyone’s league but now Isak realizes that there are some people who are a bit closer to Even’s league than he is.

So he grins and bears his way through meeting the hot _and_ incredibly nice models that Even worked with, keeping up the perfect façade of being cool and collected while having a meltdown on the inside. It was honestly an Oscar-worthy performance, especially when Isak’s limits were tested with how, shall we say,  _friendly_ those models got with Even before he was finally able to leave. Leo DiCaprio whom?

That was almost a week and a half ago and Isak hasn’t stopped thinking about it since. He just can’t get out of his own head sometimes. He’s got too many thoughts going rapid-fire through his brain and unfortunately all he can do is just sit there and take it until they finally slow down enough for him to start thinking rationally again. Since meeting those models at Even’s shoot, Isak’s brain will not let him stop obsessing over how much better Even could do than him. Objectively speaking, Isak knows he makes Even happy and Even is grateful that he has Isak and they’re in love and blah blah blah. Logically, he knows all this. But this is a matter of the heart which just _loves_ flipping the bird to Isak’s brain and filling his head with negative thoughts. Thoughts which are currently causing Isak to shrink in on himself and bottle up all his feelings and basically make him start slipping back to his pre-Even days, which nobody wants.

Which brings us to our current situation: namely Isak stewing in his own insecurities in his and Even’s apartment while Even’s latest modeling gig runs late (which Even made sure to alert Isak of as soon as he realized it was going to happen because he didn’t want Isak to worry like he knew he would and Isak loves him so much he can’t bear to lose him to some floozy model okay he just can’t).

Isak knows he should talk to Even about this, they’ve based their relationship on trust and honesty and made a promise to one another to always talk things out when they’re feeling down, but Even’s not here and Isak honestly feels a little weird talking to him about it. He knows Even would never even think about cheating on Isak and Isak is simply heavily projecting his own insecurities onto Even, but he still feels shitty. He needs to get these complicated thoughts out of his head, and since he’s not fond of the idea of saying any of this stuff to Jonas (it’s been ages but Isak doesn’t think he’ll ever get over how he let his own jealousy ruin his best friend’s relationship), he turns to the classic pen and paper, deciding to just let his stream of consciousness take over and hopefully find some reprieve from how awful he feels.

_~~Dear Even~~       ~~Even my love~~    Baby,_

_First off I just wanna say that I’m so proud of you. You put your heart and soul into everything you do, even that shitty KB job with the rude as fuck customers. Like honestly they were the absolute worst I mean who the hell demands that you sell them the fake display food and then demands to see a manager when they think you’re trying to stop them from buying actual products?? I seriously don’t know how you do it. You’re always so patient and nice with everyone you meet, even people who can’t get it through their heads that the food on display is not for eating. It’s kinda sexy seeing you keep your cool like that, with your jaw clenching and arms flexing to stop yourself from giving that asshole exactly what he deserves. I love watching you work, I could probably do it for hours._

Isak stops writing and reads back what he’s written so far, almost rolling his eyes at himself while doing so. Of course Isak’s attempt at voicing his feelings would turn into some pseudo-love letter to Even, because he’s apparently turned into just that big of a sap. Getting back on track with the original purpose of the letter, he writes:

 _But that’s beside the point. The reason I’m writing this is to work through all the shit in my head with your new job. You’re never gonna see this anyway so I’m just gonna lay it all out. I think I’m jealous. Not of you and the fact that you’ve got a cool job that pays well and lets you travel all around Oslo for free, but of the other people that get to work with you. Or maybe jealous isn’t even the right word? I just… I dunno. I see you working with all these really hot people who seem effortlessly cool and really nice and can connect with you over modeling and photography in a way I can’t because you know I’m shit with a camera and it just makes me realize how much better you could be doing with someone who’s closer to your level and your interests and it kinda makes me wish you_ hadn’t _taken this job because it’s introducing you to people who can give you so much more than I can with their own jobs and stuff and I know I’m just being stupid about all this and I feel bad for feeling this way because I can see how good this has been for you and how many opportunities you’ve gotten since you started it and how much you love doing it and how happy you are and I love that so much, I love_ you _so much and I just can’t handle the thought of you leaving me for someone else and I’m honestly terrified that one of these days you’re gonna be at a shoot and look around and suddenly realize that you’ve just been settling for me and can do so much better and like I know this probably won’t happen but it doesn’t stop me from being scared shitless about it. I trust you and I trust our relationship, I just need to get over myself I guess. You’re my everything and I can’t lose you._

Isak looks over what he just wrote, feeling a mountain of pressure lift off his shoulders. Maybe there’s some merit to the whole diary thing after all. He has absolutely no intention of showing Even what he wrote, so when he hears the lock turning in the door, he quickly folds up the note and stuffs it in the bottom drawer of their night stand, which they lovingly refer to as “the junk drawer” since nothing important ever goes in there. He manages to resettle himself on the bed just as Even finally makes his way into the bedroom area to promptly greet Isak with a sweet kiss. By the time the kiss turns hot and heavy, Isak’s forgotten all about his note (and, at one point, his own name. Even’s just that good).

~*~

Even does such a thorough job of making Isak forget about all his issues that night that Isak actually completely forgets about the note’s existence until four days later when Even accidentally finds it as he’s frantically searching for his keys, which he seems to lose almost every minute of the day (Even likes to say he’s just taking their minutt for minutt pact Very Seriously which often prompts Isak to lob the found keys at Even’s chest—not his face though. That’s the money maker).

Isak should’ve noticed when Even stopped rushing around in order to make it to his latest shoot on time. It isn’t until Even actually speaks up that Isak realizes Even’s been silent for the past few minutes instead of mumbling “where the fuck” under his breath as he tore their apartment apart.

“Isak?” Even says in a gentle tone, turning to look at Isak sitting at the table. Even is still squatting on the floor next to their night stand, clutching the note tightly in his hands.

“Hm?” Isak hums, barely looking up from his biology notes he’s studying with. He and Sana have a running competition about who can make the best notes because they’re actually the biggest nerds on the planet but no one has been brave enough to call them (see: Sana) out on it.

“Did you…do you really feel like this?” Even questions, causing Isak to look up. Just as he’s about to ask what Even’s talking about, he catches sight of the note in Even’s hands, the words dying in his throat once he recognizes the scribbled out false starts clearly addressing the note to Even. No wonder he stopped to read it despite it being in the junk drawer.

“I...” is all Isak can answer with before he starts panicking, realizing that there’s no way Even is going to want to stay with him now that he knows Isak is so deeply insecure he can’t even talk to Even face to face about his issues and instead opts to write weird ass letters that he never intends to actually show Even. Isak becomes so distressed by this thought he starts hyperventilating, causing Even to spring into action. He pulls Isak out of the chair and directly into his arms, holding him tightly and rubbing his back to calm him down. He keeps repeating “Shhhh baby it’s okay” until Isak finally calms down enough to get back to a normal breathing pattern. Even pulls him over to the bed, sitting them both down on the edge so they face each other.

“Feeling any better?” Even asks, looking into Isak’s eyes to gauge if he needs to lie down or anything.

Isak nods his head and looks down in shame. He’s such a mess and doesn’t know why Even puts up with him, honestly.

Even gently tilts Isak’s chin up so they’re eye to eye. “Hey. Talk to me.”

Isak looks down again, letting out a sigh. “I…don’t even really know what to say. You obviously read the note,” he mumbles, nervously wringing his hands.

Even gently takes Isak’s hands into his own. “I did, but I want to hear what you have to say, not what you wrote in a note you never wanted me to read,” Even says as he tries to catch Isak’s eye.

Isak starts getting frustrated, both at Even for reading the note and himself for ever writing it in the first place. I mean, what was the point of writing out his feelings to avoid talking about them to Even if Even was just going to find the note anyway and make them talk it out like responsible adults?

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Even. Now that you’re like a professional model or whatever I feel…weird. I mean you’re actually doing stuff with your life and getting to go to cool places and I’m still just a lame high school student. You deserve to be with someone who’s as hot and cool as you are and who likes all the same art stuff you like, not some biology nerd who can’t even cook for himself,” Isak admits. A part of him feels relieved to finally voice his concerns to Even while another part braces for the inevitable “It’s not you, it’s me” speech Even is bound to start giving Isak any minute now.

Instead, Even scoots closer to Isak and tells him “I don’t _want_ to be with some model, baby, I only wanna be with you. And I happen to have a thing for biology nerds who can’t cook because I love cooking for them.”

Isak feels marginally better with every word that leaves Even’s mouth, but he can’t help blurting out, “But don’t you want someone who’s…you know…confident? Someone who doesn’t write dumb letters about their feelings instead of talking it out with you?” It’s not like Isak _wants_ Even to realize how ridiculous Isak’s behavior is regarding his new job, but he can’t stop himself from uttering every thought that passes through his head now that he’s on a roll with his confessions.

Even lifts Isak’s head up again so that they’re staring directly into each other’s eyes when Even declares, “Isak Valtersen, you are my soulmate. You’re _it_ for me. The minute I laid eyes on you, I couldn’t imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else.”

Isak knew this in the back of his mind but he’s still stunned into silence by Even’s confession. It’s different hearing it confirmed out loud instead of understanding it through Even’s actions.

Isak whispers out “Faen” before telling Even “I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else, either.”

They kiss passionately which leads to doing the frick frack. Busting their respective nuts, if you will.

Afterword, as they’re lying in bed together with Isak pillowing his head on Even’s chest, Isak quietly murmurs, “I’m sorry for being so dumb about this. I really am glad you got this job, I can tell how much happier you are now. I know this isn’t exactly the way you planned to work on a set, but you’re in your element there. You’re amazing.”

Even grins and cheekily responds, “So are you, baby. You should know by now that no matter who I’m on set with, you’ll always be the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.” He turns serious for a moment, admitting “Every second I spend on a set, I’m thinking about how much longer it’ll be until I can come home to you.”

Isak smiles as he nuzzles his face into Even’s neck and they eventually both drift off to sleep.

~*~

Even, as you may have already guessed, does not make it to his shoot on time. In fact, he doesn’t make it to his shoot at all.

(Later he calls up the photographer to apologize profusely for missing the shoot, claiming he had a family emergency. Isak smiled when he overheard this, thinking about how he and Even consider each other family now. They’ve come a long way from a closeted gay kid and a boy whose idea of flirting involves stealing twelve tissues from the dispenser in a school bathroom) (never mind the fact that it actually _worked_ ).

~*~

The next day when Even has to do a shoot for “sexy jeans” (whatever the fuck that means) the photographer absolutely showers Even in praise, claiming he’d never seen such a raw and believable display of sensuality. Even thanks him humbly while internally smirking, thinking about how his and Isak’s festivities yesterday were certainly helpful to get in the mood of the shoot.

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: I have a tumblr now so if you ever wanted to chat, find me at https://diminuendodaydream.tumblr.com/
> 
> I'm changing the end notes from some sad, negative shit to some good, positive shit! HUGE thank you to user Carolus for validating my writing and, by extension, my existence! you the real MVP :')


End file.
